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Green to Black, yay.
I ended up with black, gray and white from the colorful green one I was working on. Meh. I felt like it was a waste of effort but it’s because after I was done with the front page of the earlier theme I made, I suddenly felt like not moving on.. and I know when my heart tells me to stop, it definitely means it’s not for me or not time yet. Same with blogging, same with life. That’s definitely me, undecisive.
This is why, while everyone I knew were applying for jobs, already working, already training, I was at home looking after the beloved pets, dreaming, catching up with my lost sleeping hours, drafting, drawing…and doing other things at the same time – thinking. I know for a fact many are still wondering why I am not looking for a job when in our earlier years of college I was one of those who were anticipating so much in the future, who knew so much out of excitement, who had plans. But in the end, I figured I wasn’t ready.
As the time passed by, I became frustrated to what I really wanted to be after all the studying.
I wanted to do so much and still do but still, I feel like I need to know more before I can face that real world, step by step. So, it’s not really me being lazy (I guess partly) but also me – seeking to what path suits me and is ideal for me.
And I hope I find that path soon. Right now, I am starting with plan A. Go on to plan B..then C.
Plan A
To focus in web marketing. A year ago, I got accepted in Payu2blog after so many tries. I heard really good things about them, so now, I have these 5 blogs there I try to update almost everyday. However, it seems the air had changed – if you know what I mean, but I’m not saying their bad but in fact they’re great. Although what I’m getting is not what I expected which kind of makes me want to give that plan up. Plus I can’t do other things when everyday, I update 5 blogs. Sometimes I don’t but doing so, I end up having to back-post each of them which is more hardcore and brain draining! Leaves me no time to make web layouts and other things 
And all the page ranks of my blog has already decreased due to a long inactivity last year. I can’t update 20 blogs + everyday -_- To get high ranked sites, it needs focus and I can’t do that at all if I have to comment for 20 + blogs so that they’d get decent back links, decent direct advertisers! Meh. Maybe with a massive time planning.
Plan A.2
SEO – I want to try this but I think it needs dedication. To do it first though, I should learn how. I would have to focus on one website to do this or maybe a few :[
Plan B
Businesses – Last year, or two I think I was planning to open up a kawaii-stuff-store with my own crafted accessories. However, I always end up not doing anyway. Now, I have all the time in the world but well I don’t know. I can’t use our oven here either according to mom. I just kept on renewing my domain for that plan. There’s really not much problem, except I don’t have all the utilities! I don’t even know how I can go ship items I will sell. hmmm. But I guess that shouldn’t be too hard once I get more chances to go out by myself and learn how’s that. Yes, I don’t go out by myself *_*…I used to.
Plan B.2
Hosting business – my hosting business isn’t really much. Although from time to time, I get perks. Plus to a person who owns a bunch of sites it’s pretty neat. I need to learn so much more still though, especially how to make use of my sitting VPS to make it possible for decent daily back up once more. Meh.
Plan C.1
Create more website layouts than ever, study essentials of web designing and web development.
Plan C.2
Learn all sorts of web and mobile development essentials. Flash, Adobe Illustrator, XML, Android development, iOS development. I wish. Often though, my back pain attacks or I just end up thinking more…
I wish I’ll find the answer to these confusion. I do feel bad because sometimes I feel useless whenever everyone around me complains about money problems, even if..I do help in my own way, even if they don’t say it. And I feel bad too whenever I see my college classmates seem to be enjoying their “real world” and whenever it’s like people mainly wants to criticize you for not having a job after graduating.
In my heart though, I know there’s something waiting for me. Surely, I will find that and I will be the happiest if I will.
I’m not picky, or am I? I’m not throwing away what I’ve learned. In fact, I want them to grow. If I would take a job that I’m really uncertain of, I’ll grow tired of it and get sick of it. I’ll hate waking up in the morning, I’ll drag myself to breakfast. I’ll be stuck to it and not fulfill my ideas and dreams.
I want to do something that defines me, not just some odd job that pays me but I don’t feel any passion at all for it. Many may not agree but…
Being the undecisive girl that I am – I know if I make one move now that doesn’t satisfy me, I wiill make more confusing decisions in the long run and so..if doing little steps can make it better, then I will. I know things will work out and they will! Won’t they?
But I also feel the guilt of being irresponsible because my mom had her dreams, but I know she was not able to make them come true at all in order for me to survive. She’s not pressuring me I know, but even if she does not tell..sometimes I don’t know -_-
I hope God will help me out on this or maybe – you?
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naaaaaaadiiiiiiiiiiine!! yay up na site! hihi! ay nako pareho tayo. ewan ko ano gusto kong job. pero baka mag H.R nalang ako. sana matanggap ako. gusto ko seo marketing din sana kaso kasi may pasok pag holiday. wahahahaha.. tamad talaga eh noh. pero yun din kasi sabi sakin nung h.r sakin bago ako magquit, siya daw ayaw niya siya ang mag asikaso ng business ng parents niya kasi daw walang time for her kids and stuffs, tsaka at least pag holiday wala din siya gagawin. so ako parang, oo nga noh, gusto ko din nun. sabi auntie ko mag webdesign daw ako, kaso kasi mahirap din mamaya ipressure pa ako ng mga clients. lol. isipin mo din mabuti ano gusto mo talaga. kung pano ang gusto mong ginagawa everyday, pag weekend, pag holiday, etc. ako gusto ko mag work kahit tinatamad ako, at least may fixed income. kaso kelangan ko lang talaga maghanap ng mas malapit sa bahay namin kasi katamad mag commute. lol. binalak ko nga mag blog nalang diba, kaso siguro kakaririn ko ng bongga pag mom na ako, kasi yun nasa bahay lang talaga ako. hahahahahha. kalerky.
) pwede ka pa naman mag pahinga for one year. 
goodluck nadine 
Why can I relate so much to this post? Hahahha. Very undecisive rin kasi talaga ako. Kung minsan nga mas gusto ko pa na ibang tao nalang mag decision para sa akin para lang di na ako yung gumawa at mag-isip. Pag nag.graduate na ako, sure ako na di ko rin alam kung anong gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Hirap ring maging talented noh? Hahaha. Daming career choices, hindi lang limited sa degree mo. Pero I hope na kahit anong mapili mo na gawin, sana happy ka. Mahirap narin kasi pag hindi.
First of all, I love your black and white layout. REALLY. I fell in love with it when I saw it.
As for your “plans for the future”, when I graduated in college, I didn’t know what to do either. But after a little over a month, I had my first job. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. The whole “work environment” thing was new to me. Sure, I had my OJT but it wasn’t like that anymore. I had to really WORK. I learned everything I know now in that company. I’ve realized what I really want. The IT WORLD is hell BIG. So you gotta really find where you belong in that world. In my case, I found myself in Project Management and Business Analysis… I found those through my first job.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, go step into that world… Keep walking until you find what you really really really want. There will be bumps along the way (like not knowing how to start, being clueless how the whole thing works, not meeting the deadline, etc etc) but I promise you, it’ll all pay off.
Seems like hard decisions will be made. I can relate with you sis. Ang hirap mag decide for your life. Although I would still recommend to work in real life.
Anyway, I like this quote: “I want to do something that defines me, not just some odd job that pays me but I don’t feel any passion at all for it. Many may not agree but…” I had this in mind, but I chose a course that would help me earn more.
Priority ko kasi yung family ko. Next yung sarili ko. XD Hehe! So maybe, I would suggest, think about your priorities.
Goodluck!
wow sis. ang bongga ng kelangan mong idecide. ako, i am really really trying to learn SEO. nako. ang hirap. di ko maintindihan. di ko mahagilap ang unang gagawin. >.<
whatever decision you choose, you have my support sis.
btw, this theme is much nicer, in my opinion. heheheh
Ang ganda ng layout bez! Ganito gusto kong black and white! Then gusto ko rin ng colorful. Hahaha! Undecisive tayo parehas. Gusto ko yung parang book lang din. Medyo dirty white. Hehee. As for the job, ganun talaga. May oras na hindi natin alam kung san tayo pupunta. Hindi natin alam kung ano talagang gusto natin. But based dun sa article na nabasa ko, nakasulat dun na “You may not start by doing what you love. But you’ll get there.” Just take any job in a company that you want. Smart people will rise in any organization. Love you bez! Sana matagpuan mo na ang gusto mong work. I’ll pray for you!
I so can relate! After I graduated, wala akong plano sa buhay. LOL. Naghanap ako ng work at naging call center agent sa Teletech. Akalain mong less than 2 months lng stay ko dun kasi d ko talga type ung work. Napilitan lng ako pra may magandang masabi ung parents at aunties ko. Tsaka pra d nila ako tawaging palamunin sa bahay. Haha. Anyway, nung dumating c Kimy, dun ko narealize na may patutunguhan na ako. LOL. Happy na ako sa buhay may-asawa + online work. Hihi.
) Sis Nadine, darating din ung right time for you. 
PS: Super love your theme. Ang kyuuutttt!
<3