New year

So, another year has passed and I have left this site kind of like this for so long now. Hehe. I don’t know if I’ll renew it but I hope I can..

I’m front of my keyboard now but honestly, I don’t know what to say even if I have practiced this on my mind during my blank moments or sentimental ones.

There is really not much to say but I would like to congratulate myself that I survived! And lately, I’d like to be able to do more.. not controlled or manipulated by others’ opinion, or sealed within a box of someone else’s ideals. I just hope I’ll have to courage.

You know what though, lately I’ve been sleeping early and waking up early! Except yesterday at least because someone triggered my anxiety. I’ve been enjoying peace and enjoying moments of finding out little things on my own but still they keep acting like they own me.. not that it matters because they don’t know this place.

I hope I’ll be better at not minding them really, because I’m not supposed to report my life 24/7 just because I’m a daughter. I’m me. I have my life to be mindful of. Sorry, I’m just so tired because ever since I was young I always had to do their ways – as a result, I’ve become scared of trying things out on my own, or meeting new people – really.

I hope it’s not too late to find myself as me. Please, I hope they stop getting a grip of what’s mine – my life. I know we are supposed to respect parents and all but not all parents are great. Some are manipulative. Some make you their shock absorber, when you’re so young but you have no choice but to listen to their problems. When you tell yours, they always think your problems are only simple are childish. But you are human too, you were a child who had the rights to discover the world but they secluded you and made you think everything and everyone is bad.

I wish I can stay at this moment not to be obligated of updates of my life, just because – or be made to be a sponge to gather all their problems in life. Every time I get flash backs I get really light headed. I wish I could erase them all. Not all childhood are happy after all but I’d like to not remember mine. No matter how many gifts they give you, it will never disappear, I tell you. They’ll even make fun of how fragile you are. I long for that happiness I used to have.

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